The worst thing about letting someone go is truly the morning after. That is, assuming you can even sleep. Because I damn sure couldn’t. Every 10 minutes, a different dream happens. What I foolishly did wasn’t real. She’d call back. It was all a dream wasn’t it?

Yet it wasn’t and now you’re laying in bed, trying to convince yourself it was the right thing to do. But that isn’t the main problem. It’s HOW you did it, and I felt like I did a piss poor job. I should have called. I should have explained. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten to that point.

I overreacted. I overthought. And now, here I am regretting. Is this what I truly wanted? Could I have said something else? The last time I heard her voice, she was just wishing me good night days ago. And now, I can never hear it again. Hindsight is 20/20, even if it just happened a few days ago.

If only she read what I wrote to her and knows the full story. If only I had taken a different approach. She would know I still want to be with her, it’s just …. things aren’t ideal. And it’s on my end. Just how the situation is, there’s no way it would have been good for me.

Even the friendship is buried, which is the worst thing about it. After all, she was one of those special cases that even if we didn’t work out, our friendship is something unique that we couldn’t possibly find elsewhere. If only this can be salvaged. She needs to know I still love her, it’s just I need to love myself first and that this is something that I must do.

And she was the one that kept those voices at bay.