Have to admit, I’ve been stuck on a game called Genshin Impact. Ever since I left the last MMO I played, I’ve been yearning to get back into a community. Yet, not going to lie, the community of the game is pretty shit and toxic, it’s mostly a single player game and I enjoy being immersed in the world. It gave me something to do and enjoy. It’s a game where each playable character has an item called a Vision, which allows them to harness elemental energy. Not the most unique thing but damn is the world beautiful…

Speaking of visions, it’s the last day of the year and we’re all reflecting. Thinking about what has happened this year to us and to everyone else around. Some are blessed, some more than others and many are far more affected. Counting our blessings and planning everything we can to ensure our own and our loved one’s survival and happiness. We reflect on what we want and what we dont want. What we hope to work towards and to cull any and all things that kept us back. Whether it be minor or major, every little bit counts.

I realized that I’ve put people on the pedestal that have no business being put there. The issue about always trying to see the positives in people is that we neglect to acknowledge the negatives. And that oversight leads to our own suffering, to our own annoyances but we think hey, this person is so worth it. But are they? Are they really?

Have you ever wondered why others don’t choose your company over others? That they’re only around when they need you? Not even in a romantic company sense. Just simply, why are these people constantly the sum of the company they keep? Despite connecting on an emotional level. Despite, seemingly, finding people on the same wavelength, you realize that they arent on the same frequency as you originally thought.

But then it hit me, that some relationships are simply best at arm’s length. I was a geeky, Yu-Gi-Oh! loving Asian kid in a mostly black high school and yet, I was friends with all the popular black athletes. I was able to mingle in their circle of friends but was never really part of the group as I was normally with the social outcasts. And yet, I was never picked on and actually was quite popular. I can’t simply force social ties closer than what is expected and wanted of me.

I’m tired. Some people deserve the work, the effort. Some truly don’t. When you become part of a cyclic, self harming routine, and you don’t want help in breaking those chains, keep those chains. Some truly are masochistic. People are utter disappointments. And Im done believing people want to truly learn and truly grow. I guess I’ve become a bit jaded. After all, there are things I continue to cope with, I can’t be bothered when people don’t seem to want to change.

I feel for the people that are truly broken souls. As I’ve said, we’re all products of our environments, whether positive or negative. And maybe Im bias for these types of fools. After all, birds of a feather….ya know? But people that have it all? That the worst thing they had to go through is having too much? The only enemy they ever had is within? They get to cry into their lovely fitted sheets at night, crying because they know tomorrow is a definite.

Must be nice.

So for those that worked hard, no matter where you are right now, keep going at it. There is no room to bitch or moan about things. But I don’t need to tell you this. You already know. I know you know. Even if the reflection is cracked, my vision is pretty damn clear, 20/20 even. It takes a broken mirror to realize one is a tapestry of broken shards.