Sometimes all it takes is to lose something, or simply the threat of losing something to snap you out of it. After 3 eye surgeries, I started the year with a vision (no pun intended). For the first time in 11 years, during my annual review, I spoke up. I want to get to the next level. There were a lot of projects I was looking forward to, some in the making for years. I felt underpaid. Underappreciated. Undervalued. And with the risk of my eyes faltering even more, I didn’t have the luxury of waiting to see if I get what I deserved, what I feel I rightfully earned. I told my boss straight up that I know my value on the market, but I was scared. I really was ready to settle. All it would take for them to keep me was barely a 10% raise.

…..I wasn’t expecting to have moved to a new state, found a new job, and having almost a doubled salary.

In hindsight, I needed it. The fear was that they’ll give me the raise I wanted. Because I was afraid of change. I would miss all the close friends that I work with for almost a decade. But it didnt pan out that way. Barely a 2% raise and that I needed to “prove” that I was valuable. Yet they gave the title/promotion I wanted to someone who has 10% of my technical expertise. It was then that I snapped. Even though my boss said they would match any offer, I no longer wanted to be there.

After spending many nights past midnight, always given the hardest projects, trailblazed a lot of new functionality into their ecosystem, I was not valued. And I thank them for being consistent. Because just like a toxic relationship that’s hard to let go, so was my reluctance to leave a company that was all I have known. One night, I decided to test the market and let my resume loose into the world.

It was the best decision I have made in a long time.

Going through the interview process, realizing that unlike being a fresh grad, I myself had the power, the leverage to choose my own destiny. And maybe it’s because I was so entrenched by all of the hardships and difficult projects one after another that I failed to realize just how much experience I’ve amassed over the years. Still deep down, I was scared. I’ve never known anything besides what was within the walls of a single company. But I was also intrigued by what is out there. And once I’ve done once, the next time wouldn’t be as difficult or late.

Moving into my new apartment, having new people in my life, experiencing new challenges, I haven’t felt like this in such a long time. But it wasn’t simply just the new space and scenery that makes me happy. I didnt want to move and quit on bad terms. Wholeheartedly, I was angry. I was fucking furious. Even though everyone but 3 people knew just how much I was valued, management was too blind to see it. And maybe it was on me because Im the type to not flaunt or flex my accomplishments. I also dont speak up and played the role of the “company guy.” It wasn’t on them completely. I have a lot of the blame too. And thinking back, I wouldn’t be where I am today or as skilled as I am today without the chance to have learned there. To have had amazing people to learn from, work with, and also mentor.

But I dont know what’s in store for me. Knowing that I already have another cataract in my other eye, not knowing if there’s more complications with my left eye. For now, all I can do is enjoy this peaceful transition to this new chapter in my life. Because there’s nothing else I can do other than just keep pushing the pace, keeping my foot on the gas and simply drive forward.

But I do know sometimes it’s best to be on cruise control for a little while.