Some may find it easier than others to move on. To reflect and take with us the lessons we’ve learned to the next chapter in our lives. What keeps us flipping back the pages? Is it to see if we missed something?

How often have you looked in the mirror lately and realize you’re the reason why things arent the way you want them to be? Have you realized that some things weren’t meant to be, no matter who you blame? That includes others and yourself. How about we get out of that bubble we so enjoy stewing our thoughts and delusions in? Just poke it. Try it once.

I have to say, it’s not as easy it is to put thought into words as I have last year. But maybe, it’s simply because the words I want to express, are now displayed in other ways.

Pictures. Experiences. Laughter. Smiles.

My world, my life…. I’m living it.

FlayedSyntax is still me. It’s here to stay. It just won’t be the singular window anymore. I still have the power what goes on in here…

…despite the regretful open door policy.

Keep reading. Enjoy.

Not officially a whole year but since I rarely have the motivation (or time and energy) to write these days it’s as close as it could get. Since then I’ve met several new people that have changed my life for the better. And I got to know me more better, too. Realizing some aspects of my personality I never knew as well as had me second guessing what I wanted in life.

Did I want to have kids for myself or was it for my mom who I’ve always yearn to make happy? What makes ME happy? What type of lifestyle did I want? A house? A condo or even an apartment is fine with me. What’s truly the most important thing for me? Now, next year, next decade, until my final days?

Is it wise to fully invest everything into someone? All your resources, your time, your effort, your love? I still don’t know. The optimist in me knows the answer is yes, for the right person. But the realist? … still a hard pill to swallow honestly. Some say we should stop looking, the right person will find us. But what if they’re not looking, too? Or completely blind and jaded? Many won’t get everything we want in this lifetime. Even those that ask for the bare minimum. We’ll try, we’ll hope but we shouldn’t expect. Shouldn’t.

Honestly, I don’t know where I’m going with this blog post, or this blog period. I was reminded I had a blog when my credit card was charged to keep my domain name lol. And I love flayedsyntax. It’s me. Even if folks I didn’t want got a hold of it.

I’ll just do my best.

I was told sometimes it’s best to not always let yourself be available. Because people then take you for granted. Every little important thing you do. Every large and grandeur surprises you do now become the norm. And the funny thing is, you do these small and large things because you WANT it to be the norm. That you can’t help but do it for them because it’s them. You try your best to not be stale, to have fresh and unique things to bring to the table like a new inside joke as old ones are worn out. Or a different show to binge watch on.

And we give ourselves away willingly. Not expecting much in return but low-key only expecting to be appreciated. But when it becomes the norm, sometimes they see something else shiny and go for it. I mean, can you blame people for always wanting more? To always want subjectively the best for themselves? I mean, I always want to upgrade my phone every year.

But for things I’m tremendously sentimental on I prefer and want what I have. I own a dolphin necklace with a piece of rice with my name on it that no set of bling would ever replace. And maybe things may get rough, may be broken but if it was worth diving into  in the first place, it’s also worth trying to fix. All it takes is just effort, right? In the end, I’ll still go at it full force. Because I just can’t help giving all of me. Even if it’s thrown back at me, I have no regrets.

Maybe what glittered was gold after all?