Category: Thoughts

Unlucky me, Lucky you

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I done thought a lot of things in my day, I admit.
That I was worth more than the words that they say.
On the wrong side of a cuck, that shit really sucks.
Thinking it’s just phase, say it to my face.
Say Im right, that you’re not wrong.
This shit’s been going on for so long.
On bended knee. Asked the words.
I dont know which is worse.
You got hitched and Im stuck.
Unlucky me, lucky you, good for you.

On the side of the bed they lay.
I’m not even allowed a wave outside, what more can I say?
Social distancing fully loaded.
Six whole states in between, pre-covid.
Yet at your most vulnerable it’s ok.
I make myself open and it’s me who overstayed.
Gave my keys, sat on my throne. And yet Im the one wrong.
My approach slow as this flattening and yet Im the one who came strong.
White gloves on.
Carefully handled it.
Eggshells on the floor.
Slowly, dont break it.
Have my light muse and my dark queen,
It’ll be all me in between.
Kept me in a time capsule easy to be buried.
If emergency break the glass, so you can go on and scurry.
Time’s up. Game’s over.
No continues left, it’ll be someone else’s quarter.
Friends in the zone are just pocketed dicks.
Really doesn’t matter who in the end will be picked.
Give them hope. Make them stay.
In the end I truly hope you’ll be okay.
In the end I finished last,
my future and present became the past.
At least give me some credit, it’s on the upstream.
Interests build and interest fade.
Some harsh truths are best kept in the shade.


Unlucky me, lucky you.

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Learning braille to see with clarity.
Asphyxiation to see if the fire burns.
Turning back to move ahead.
Healing may leave scars.
A constellation of our desperation.
Of if it will ever exist in the stars.

Mementos

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I consider myself a materialistic sentimental person. I love to buy things, expensive purchases even. And yet, the things that I keep sentimental are cheap in nature but hold such intrinsic value. And to be honest, that boiled down to two things in my life. One being a dolphin necklace that had a piece of rice with my name in it inside of a glass vial and a 2006 Disney glass with Pinocchio and Dumbo on it from McDonalds. The former was never returned to me and the latter shattered on the floor just a few days ago. Fourteen years of service, that glass is surely missed. It was with me from high school throughout college and the first decade of my career.

And yet, two replacement glasses are on their way from eBay. Obviously won’t feel the same. It was faded, the artwork you can barely even make out. And yet, if only I could get the original back, of course I’d do it. It was the most static thing in my dynamically tumultuous life. I remember the day I got it, I was actually skipping class. I remember filling it halfway on the first night I became drunk. It was big enough to also be the only container I’ve ever used to eat my helping of Cookies n Cream.

Out of everything in this world that I could have chosen to “treasure” and “cherish,” it was a glass. Not the most Show and Tell worthy of all things. Just a glass. I filleth. I spilleth. I droppeth. And this serendipitous feeling of comfort and attachment applies to people, too.

Still, there’s a feeling I’ve been trying to figure out. Been more than a year now. I’ve written about it before and thought I knew but a part of me feels like there’s more to explore. Maybe in due time.

What separated this particular glass from all the glasses in the world?

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Women don’t respect those who only go for the rebound. Can’t make your own shots because that’s all you’ve got.

Appalling reflections

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I don’t think there’s anyone out there who doesn’t have at least one individual hating them. Not just a tongue in cheek hate, but straight up loathing. And people have many reasons to hate someone, but it truly does take a lot to say you truly hate someone. In my experience, I’ve usually stayed under the radar and never had more than a handful of people I could say really hated me. I do have a sense of wanting people to like me, not at the expense of my ethics, but by being a decent individual.

To me, I see two main categories of people that hate on others : Those that have their shit straight and those that don’t. The former I’ve met a lot and can actually respect while the latter I tend to avoid and show no pity on nor effort to trying to understand or appease.

The first is more so really cocky individuals. I have met many people with the self confidence and ego I’d only hope to ever have with their head up their ass. They see others as inferior, looking down on others and not wanting to work or communicate. These individuals, however, can back up their cockiness with the skill and knowledge that encourages this before. I used to think in order to grow one needs to be nurtured and have sometimes crumbled in the pressure of personality types like these.

But during the first couple years of work, I realized sometimes tough love is necessary to not only grow but to evolve into a better version of you. In the end, you may command respect from people like these as you show them what you’re bringing into the table. That you belong and are on the same playing field. I used to shy away from these headstrong individuals, but now, I see it as a challenge to further push the boundaries of my personal growth.

And yet, there are those that hate simply because they hate themselves but can’t truly admit to it or completely blind by self pity. These individuals find all reasons to blame others and do nothing but ignorantly list all the negatives of others. The problem is, these negative statements tend to describe themselves to a tee.

I personally can’t stand these types of people and spend no energy trying to reason with them. Truly, they lash out only because they know for a fact they’re worth nothing more but the vitriol they spit. They worry about others’ lives because they have no lives of their own. Their very existence is a waste to them and they’re way too cowardly to climbing up because they rather drag others down. But you see, at the end of the day, you have to look at the mirror and stare at the truth.

All alone, now.

Who do you really hate?