Strawberries make life worth living.

Maybe one day I’ll curt my apparent lack of inhibitions regarding my emotions.
To expect anything but disappointment and despair will just lead me to misery.
People are all the same. Same shit, just different scripts.
Never changing, staying static to their ways.
All hypocrites.

Myself included.

Another (hopefully) temporary tailspin.

But this time, I won’t be the one shelved.

How do you keep yourself from losing it? As in, preventing yourself from going off the deep end. Doing/saying/thinking things you normally wouldn’t do, under normal circumstances? What checks and balances have you set for yourself?

To not lose keys, many attach them to lanyards. To have bread not go bad quickly, many freeze them. To not oversleep when there’s an exam, many set up multiple alarms (though personally, I’d probably sleep through it all as it’s all white noise).

Now, in cases of pure emotion, whatever safeguard you may have created is thrown out the window. When we’re angry, we may say things we don’t mean. When we’re in a state of passion, we may do things we really shouldn’t be doing. Depressed, our will is sapped and nothing really matters, even the things that mean most to us.

But what I’m referring to is, for example, when you wake up, go to the sink and brush your teeth, groggily stare at yourself. Do you recognize yourself? Is what you did the day before to your standards? Your ethics? What you’ll be doing today? Tomorrow? Is this who you are?

Let’s say, we create a dish that has 4 basic ingredients:  angel hair pasta, chicken, tomato sauce, cheddar cheese. Sure, we can substitute the angel hair pasta with linguine. Chicken with sausage. Instead of cheddar, maybe use pepper jack for an added bang. It’s still our dish, but with a twist that, well, makes sense? Maybe, it may just be better than the original. But what if we instead of using tomato sauce, we instead use beef broth? Good, but now it’s more of a soup. What if we put….pineapple.

…no…just no…stop… (sorry to pro-pineapple on hot food people out there. I love pineapple though!)

And that’s sort of how we do things naturally, no? Our ethics may evolve over time. We may be wrong about something in the past, or didnt have the mental capacity to understand then, but we do now (…..like…pineapple….). We adapt.

But how do we know we aren’t changing too much? Outside of adding pineapple, which doesn’t make sense (yup), what if we added too much meat? What if we added brown sugar, it may become too sweet (one of the reasons why Italians despise Filipino spaghetti from what I heard). Who does the taste testing?

Will our friends tell us? Our significant other? Family? But can they? Should they? We know ourselves the most, no? While I agree that, there’s value to having perspective from the outside, the recognition and decision should come from within.

How do you know it’s still you? And how often do you check?

I reflect all the time. In cases of an impasse with a friend. Moving on from a failed relationship. Finishing a project at work.

My signature dish has 4 main ingredients, with many possible logical substitutions. We have that for ourselves, no? Maybe a list of X commandments.

• Dont be a hypocrite
• White lies are ok (usually)
• Talk things out
• Be loyal

We have our check boxes. For me, I run through my list quite often. Some days, far more times than what I had expected I’d have to. Some days, I do miss a box. I am human after all. It’s just my best effort to ensure all boxes have been accounted for every day.

 

How about you?

Lauv – There’s no way

Been addicted to this song for the past two weeks.

 

Really do think it’s our song.

Maybe this was inevitable. If so, it’s understandable.

Some things aren’t impossible rather just not possible, for the time being. Can’t expect the output to be different if the inputs are always the same. Maybe all it takes is to simply change the variables.