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Fitting today is the day. It hurt a bit to do so. But I had to. I wonder if things are still neutral. Or was it all just a passing thought?

Was it naive to think you were so close to me, that you were just in my backyard? That the world is so small that my reach hugs every corner?

I’m more than just a beautifully presented, set of words. Yet, if you still absorb my words, mystified and tantalized by them, then how can I not be happy with how things turned out?

My words are a direct reflection. Of who I am, what I stand for. It’s as natural and pure as a snowflake landing and melting in your hand.

And it ended as quickly as it melted. Did your eyes watched as it fell? Slowly. Coincidentally landing in your outreached palm.

If only the memories were as cold as the result, could that snowflake reside in your warmth a bit longer.

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Before the effects wear off, from this liquid armor
I figure there’s things I could wash away
From the present hell I’m basking in
To the artifacts of my past I thought I could do without
This void, I really dont know what’s missing
I know it isn’t that. Go away. I dont need it.
Nor do I want it. Even inebriated, you’re worthless
To me. To yourself, too. Sorry.
Or not sorry, there’s nothing.
And never will be. Again.
Why am I here? It’s bullshit. All of it.
Maybe it is too much. My shoulders feel a little stiff.
Crushed. Maybe Im not cut out for it after all.
Just stay behind the curtains. The spotlight’s too bright.
Forever in the shadows. It’s easier to sleep this way
What was I ever thinking? To believe. To wish.
To hope.
It won’t ever end happily. I’ll accept it.
I’m falling. I’ve fell. I’ve fallen.
Deeper I go.
To think I’d lose myself in someone
Yet I’ve lost myself, to myself
Imploding. One mistake after another.
Can’t help it. Or maybe won’t help it.
Am I lying to myself? Tell me, me.
None of them. I really dont want them.
Stop bothering me.
Nor do I want me. Take me away.
Cause Im useless, too. As I am
As I was.
As I ever will be.
Rain drops in my room. Yea, that’s it.
Partly cloudy with a sure chance of fucking up.

Still couldn’t make it past four

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Tonight, I’ll try and forget about everything. The stress. The load. The pain. The future. The present. Yet, I’ll embrace the past and hope to relive several moments.

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I promise. As someone that takes keeping promises seriously, believe me.

Feel free to visit every now and then, to peer into my mind again. You’re always welcome to.

Keep the list. Updated and/or alive. It’s my go-to. Love all of them.

I’ll always smile when I think of you. Even if it’s just a smirk.

 

Thank you.

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As much as I hate to think otherwise, I still believe everything happens for a reason. The whole “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” mentality. The experience opens your eyes to other possibilities. Just nod my head and accept this as a fact. It’s easier to get through life thinking everything serves a higher purpose. Don’t swim against the current, fly with a tailwind.

Hard to do so when you have a defiant heart. A heart that prefers to not ride a wave but be a wave that crashes. A heart that’s never been tranquil, but a cyclonic disaster.

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As a guy, I’m disgusted at how low many guys can go. While anyone can be disgusting, it seems like the locker room mentality is prevalent still. To try and destroy a girl’s reputation as well as invade her privacy, it’s fucking depressing. You got rejected, get over it. You were an ass to her and yet not attempt to help her? Not a hint of a backbone from anyone. Where the fuck is your moral compass or does it only point towards you?